THE GREEN LANTERN

The poster should have a warning
saying, "THIS MOVIE SUCKS!"

So while I was back home visiting family, since it will be some time before I go back, I was bored and was flipping through the channels.  I never saw The Green Lantern and I needed to kill time before Workaholics came on.  So I figured might as well watch this movie that everyone says is terrible and see why it is so bad.  Let me first start by saying, THIS MOVIE SUCKS.  Not only did they RUIN my favorite superhero but they just destroyed everything great about The Green Lantern, or Hal Jordan.

So since many of you may not watch this I plan on saying everything about this film.  Any objections?  Good.  No one said anything.


To kick this review off let's start with how the casting sucks.  So Ryan Reynolds...as many girls/women have said he is hot.  Makes sense.  Good looking guy, without his shirt on some times, funny, makes sense that he could play Hal Jordan right?  WRONG.  He is nothing like Hal Jordan.  He did a terrible job with this part.  His jokes weren't delivered right, he was a pansy throughout the film, and just sucked.  His acting was bleh at best.  He didn't fit the role at all.  He isn't a womanizer he just was Ryan Reynolds being...Ryan Reynolds like in his other films.  Funny but not Hal Jordan.  So that's one problem with the film.  He wasn't a good choice.


Another problem is Blake Lively.  She is pretty.  She plays the girl that Hal has always wanted. Too bad that their chemistry was terrible.  Those two just seemed to hate each other.  Or they just didn't work well together because I wasn't believing their performance.  I could see that they were trying everything to not just ruin the scene with, "Can we take it again, I hate her/him."  And she wasn't a very strong character to begin with.  She just constantly got in the way and made Hal feel terrible.  Granted, she does that but not to this extent.  She does later BUT that's more along the lines comic book stuff and that's not what I'm here to talk about.  Blake Lively, another terrible casting choice.  


I think the bigger problem with the film was that there were four writers for the film that I don't think had ANY idea what Green Lantern actually knows what to do with his powers.  I mean the whole thing is about imagination.  They just ruined everything about it.  I mean, talk about the most American imaginations with his powers.  A helicopter is falling to a crowd of people, which is doesn't kill any THAT right there doesn't make any sense, and he thinks of making the helicopter into a racecar and giving it a track to ride along.  Awful.  Just awful.  Why not just create a hand that would grab the helicopter and safely put it down?  Oh that's too difficult to do?  I'm sorry.  My fault.  I didn't realize The Green Lantern wanted to make things more complicated than it needs to be. All "things" he creates are just dumb.  I mean throughout the film he is supposed to be fighting Parallax which is the most powerful enemy The Green Lantern faces and SPOILER ALERT he defeats him by flying towards the sun then pushing him towards it.  He tries to escape by thinking up of two planes pulling him to safety, for more speed, and is attached to them.  This movie just starts off bad and just ends lame.  It's just a terrible movie.


Reasons to watch this film. 1) If Rifftrax is attached with it, then yes you should watch it.  Other than that.  Don't watch this film. It's honestly a waste of time.  Oh I thought of another reason.  You want to watch a film that is a complete waste of time and you want to watch something horrible.


Reasons not to watch this film? There are plenty.  1) You read my review.  2) You hate comic book movies that ruin characters that are great from the start. 

LILO & STITCH

This is going to be a quick review since it's an old movie (well sort of) and I finally got around to watching it.  Though, I'm sure everyone has seen this movie and I'm just the last person to actually see it.  


I really enjoyed watching this film.  Even though it is a Disney movie.  Yes, I don't enjoy all Disney movies because it's always the same thing.  (Burn him! Burn him alive! Is what you are saying right now.  Don't hate.  I don't hate all their movies. Sheesh)  This movie has a lot of funny jokes throughout the piece.  My favorite being why mosquito's were created on Earth and their purpose.  Made me laugh and then hate aliens with a passion.  Jerks.  If you have seen the move then you know EXACTLY what I am talking about.


The movie is about an alien that was created as the unstoppable machine.  It is rejected from the council and escapes to Earth.  Where it is adopted by a little girl and her big sister as their dog.  The alien learns what a family is and it gets all cute and stuff.
So I'm going to wrap this up since I'm sure you have seen this film and don't want to read on.
Reasons to watch this film: 1) You enjoy Disney films.  2) You like to see an alien do funny things.  3) It's a good movie to watch.
Reasons not to watch this film?  I don't know.  You hate Disney films and don't like happy endings.  You are the type of person that wants more action, drugs, sex, and violence.  Then this film is obviously not for you.  So if you don't enjoy a good family movie then don't bother watching this.  

THE WAY OF THE GUN

This film is one I can't believe I have overlooked.  Granted, there are many of those movies. But this is one I was really glad I took the time to sit and watch.  Had me laughing from the beginning till the end.  It has one of the best ways to explain who the characters are without having them speak in the beginning.  All through a fight scene. Just fantastic.

Even the scene where the two are trying to make some money by donating their sperm really speaks about their characters.  So from a fight scene and a few lines of dialog we get to learn everything we, as an audience, need to know about these two.  

The movie is about two guys looking to make cash in any way they can.  So they find out that a woman is having a rich man's child.  They are willing to kidnap her and hold her for ransom.  They quickly learn that her life isn't worth that much to her bodyguards.  Very weird, I know!  The movie progresses as the two try to get rich off the girl through the ransom money that leads into a pretty sweet gun fight.  I really wish I got around to this movie a lot sooner.  It has everything I enjoy.  Gun fights, funny dialog, funny fight scenes, two actors I never thought would work so well together on screen, and a pretty good cast. 

These two should do another movie together.

There wasn't much about the film I hated since I didn't really know anything about it other than, "YOU HAVE TO SEE IT!" Also, when I watched the opening scene, I knew what I was getting into.  A film that isn't supposed to be so serious and I better have a sense of humor otherwise I am not going to enjoy watching what I am about to watch.  Thankfully, I do have a sense of humor.  This isn't a film one can watch thinking this should have been in the Academy Awards.  No.  It's not. And it doesn't. Is it a good film to watch?  I would say so. 

Reasons to watch this film?  1) You got time to kill and need a funny movie to watch. 2) You want to see two actors you never thought would be a duo in a film before.  3) You like gun fights and really funny moments.  And I don't mean slipping on a banana peel.  I mean along the lines of how two killers have a sense of humor.  
Reasons not to see this film?  1) If you aren't really into a film about two killers kidnapping a woman that is pregnant and that is supposed to be a funny topic.  2) Ummm you don't watch movies that don't have to do with winning some type of Academy Award.   

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

The Dark Kni.  Guess the Knights Who Say 

Ni will be pissed.

What can I say about this movie without actually giving anything away?  The film is amazing.  Is it something you should be seeing in theaters? Yes.  If you don't, well you should go slip on a banana peel, while playing in traffic.  I will do my best in this review to not spoil anything.  Except that Batman is Bruce Wayne.  OOPS! Sorry! Sorry! Well. It's been typed.  I can't delete it now.   


The Dark Knight Rises met all my expectations. The film is a great way to end the trilogy.  Why you ask?  Well go see it and you will understand my reasons.Though, there are some who would disagree with me.  Throughout the film I don't think there is a dull moment.  It starts off with the audience right in action.  It almost reminded me of how The Dark Knight starts off.  Something is going to happen.  We get to see what has been going in the past eight years for everyone after Harvey Dent's death.  


In the trailers it doesn't look as if Bane is really tall or that big.  Trust me, the trailers don't do him any justice.  Bane doesn't have the venom.  BUT I was expecting that since things are different in this Batman world.  I mean the Joker in the last one had to wear war paint, so I wasn't expecting Bane to have the venom.  That was one thing I was able to overlook.  


The other character that I know some were having a problem with is Catwoman. The reason was because Anne Hathaway is playing her. I'm just going to say right now, why did you have your doubts?  Remember when we all doubted that The Dark Knight was going to be horrible because of who got the role as the Joker?  Well naysayers, Catwoman was done pretty well. I thought she did a pretty good job for what the role is.  I mean I knew they weren't going to show much of her since this is a Batman movie.  And the last thing we need is another Catwoman movie.  Also, I need to add, that outfit of hers. Just wow. I'm sure everyone was checking her out at some point.  You can say "I didn't because I'm a girl," or "I'm gay and don't like that."  All I would say to you is, you are a liar.  And you know you checked her out.


I just want to mention how hard this is to write since there are SO many things I'm skipping because I don't want to ruin it for anyone that hasn't seen it. 


One thing I figured out early in the film was one of the twists.  So that bothered me that I was sitting and waiting for it to happen and when it did some people in the theater went "WHAT! NO WAY" As I sat there saying, "Really?  No one figured it out?"  That made me sad.  Then again, I have read comic books my whole life and knew the story of what was going to happen.  So I guess I can't get too mad.  Which twist am I speaking of? In two weeks I will mention in the comments below which one.  


The fight scenes are great.  Batman and Bane's two fight scenes, done very well.  It had me at the edge of my seat that's the most I can tell you without giving too much away. Ugh! I know.  I want to say much more. 


So let me bring this to an end since I know if I keep going I will spoil something and feel like a HUGE douche.  


Reasons why to see this film.  1) It's the last Batman movie by Christopher Nolan and his team.  2) You want to finish the trilogy.  3) You don't want to be left out of conversations when people are talking about the movie. 4) You want to see a great film.  5) Do you really need more reasons to see it?  GO SEE IT!


Reasons not to see this film.  1) You're lame.  2) You hated the first two.  3) You hate comic book movies.  4) You hate Batman(if you do then I feel sorry for you and the no friends you have). 5) You are such a fanboy that you find everything wrong with the film even though they combined stories and still refuse to let it go. There really is no reason why you shouldn't see this movie unless you agreed with one of my reasons of why you shouldn't see it.  If so, well then I hope your computer catches on fire right now.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER

This movie has been on my list since it came out and I recently got the chance to see it.  All alone in a theater too. Even better.  The movie is pure entertainment. If you walk in thinking, "This film better be awesome and have everything be great about it." First, from the title, no one should be thinking anything spectacular or phenomenal.  Just, there will be vampires, Abraham Lincoln, fight scenes, axe guns, and just crazy funny stuff.


The only thing I have to really say about this movie is that there are choices to watch this.  At the theater, maybe.  Go either the first showing or just wait until the movie comes out on DVD or it's on Netflix or something.  It's worth the watch if there's a night that requires for a movie that is just completely over the top hilarious because of how ridiculous the plot is.  It is based on a book, which I'm sure the book might go into more detail but I got a pretty good kick out of the film.  If you like Wanted, or at least just really liked the action scenes, then you will enjoy this film.  The characters, don't matter, the plot, doesn't matter, the action scenes, pretty cool.  I really enjoyed seeing a man fight with an axe.  It was twirl-flip-spin-strike-twirl-strike-switch hands-twirl-kill.


There are problems with the film, the acting is meh at best, then again, the movie is called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Did anyone expect Academy Award winning acting?  I didn't.  I will say all the actors did a GREAT job compared to Charlize Theron in Prometheus.  Is that saying much?  Not really, but I still liked it.  The vampires looked really cool too.  They stuck with the dark themes, the grey skin, teeth, blood stuff.  No sparkling in this movie.  


SPOILER-ISH THOUGH NOT REALLY!!!
The fight scene where Abraham and the one vampire fight between a stampede of horse is pretty cool. I thought it was one of the weirder settings to have a big fight scene. 


Reasons to see this film?  If you haven't been convinced to at least rent this movie when it comes out for DVD or stream it online, then I don't know what else to say.  Do you want to watch a ridiculous movie that has some pretty awesome action sequences?  Then you should check this film out.  
Reasons not to see this film?  If the only thought running in your head was, "This movie sounds dumb and from the trailer I hated it.  Even the poster didn't do it."  Then there's your answer.  Don't watch a movie that's only purpose is to entertain.  That's all I got out of it anyways.  Just pure entertainment.  

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON

There are a lot of films that are classics that I still haven't seen.  I am kicking myself as I type this because I have never been so ashamed of not watching a movie any sooner.  This is one of the films that really proves that special effects make up can hold up.  So suck on that CGI!

This movie has everything I want in horror movies these days.  A decent plot and somewhat good acting.  I guess that isn't really the only thing I want.  I just want monster transformations to look real.  No more of these cheesy CGI detailed monsters. They don't work out.  This movie was made in 1981.  It still can stand on its own.  I didn't find myself bored throughout the movie, except with some of the acting.  It's decent. I think what helped was the special effects make up and the fact that Jack keeps the humor going through the film.  Along with the death scenes. 


The one biggest problem I had with the film was the sex scene.  Talk about no passion during that scene.  I felt a soft core porno could tell me more about sex than this scene did.  The other thing was the werewolf.  Don't get me wrong, it looks fantastic.  I understood that they were trying to do the whole Jaws thing.  Only show it in quick cuts so you don't see how corny it can look.  I wish they stuck with that a bit more.  Maybe more close ups only on the feet, eyes, mouth, don't really show the whole creature.  Other than that I don't have many complaints about this movie.


Reasons to watch this film is to really see what a good horror movie is.  To watch one of the BEST human to werewolf transformations.  Honestly, it is the best.  I felt his pain just through it.  It really is amazing.  
Reasons to not watch this film?  I don't know. You think any movie that isn't made today isn't worth your time. Meaning you're dumb and don't respect good films.  I guess the only good reason I can think of not wanting to watch the movie is one not being into horror movies.  Along with you can't handle scenes that are gruesome.  The example being the picture to the right.  That picture just says how great make up work is.   

TED

The movie that if you haven't seen a trailer or the poster, you don't know what you are getting yourself into.  The movie about a teddy bear coming to life and 25 years, or 27 years, later he is all grown up with his friend, Johnny.


I enjoyed this film. This is the type of film one goes to just enjoy and laugh.  There isn't a deep meaning to the movie.  There isn't a reason you are walking into this movie and thinking, "This better be academy award worthy.  Otherwise I'll be pissed." It's about a boy and his bear when they are all grown up.  The poster alone shows you the type of movie it will be.  A bear with a bong and beer bottles around him.


 If you aren't a Family guy, American Dad fan, or you just don't know Seth MacFarlane, then you probably won't enjoy this movie.  It has a lot of funny moments and some jokes that don't know when to start or end.  There were some moments that I didn't really laugh at only because I know at the time of filming it might have seemed funny. But for me, it didn't really do much.  Then again, there were only a few jokes that I didn't laugh at.  I laughed and loved the references they made. The fact that it was pretty much watching a ten year old in a 35 year old's body.  In the film it also makes fun of Flash Gordon too. That had to be one of my favorite moments in the film. I was laughing pretty hard in the theater.  There are plenty of jokes for everyone to enjoy. From relationships, getting a job, drugs, alcohol, and basically the same things covered in Family Guy.


There isn't much about the film that I hated.  Besides that some jokes didn't land.  I enjoyed the film.  The cast was great.  All friends of Seth's, I'm sure of it.  They each played off one another really well.  References to old movies, TV shows, and some celebrity jokes here and there.


Why should you this film?  1) You want to watch a good comedy film.   2) You're a fan of Seth MacFarlane and want to see what he did with a feature film.  Reasons not to see this movie?  You don't like Seth MacFarlane's sense of humor and you aren't fun.