THE GREEN LANTERN

The poster should have a warning
saying, "THIS MOVIE SUCKS!"

So while I was back home visiting family, since it will be some time before I go back, I was bored and was flipping through the channels.  I never saw The Green Lantern and I needed to kill time before Workaholics came on.  So I figured might as well watch this movie that everyone says is terrible and see why it is so bad.  Let me first start by saying, THIS MOVIE SUCKS.  Not only did they RUIN my favorite superhero but they just destroyed everything great about The Green Lantern, or Hal Jordan.

So since many of you may not watch this I plan on saying everything about this film.  Any objections?  Good.  No one said anything.


To kick this review off let's start with how the casting sucks.  So Ryan Reynolds...as many girls/women have said he is hot.  Makes sense.  Good looking guy, without his shirt on some times, funny, makes sense that he could play Hal Jordan right?  WRONG.  He is nothing like Hal Jordan.  He did a terrible job with this part.  His jokes weren't delivered right, he was a pansy throughout the film, and just sucked.  His acting was bleh at best.  He didn't fit the role at all.  He isn't a womanizer he just was Ryan Reynolds being...Ryan Reynolds like in his other films.  Funny but not Hal Jordan.  So that's one problem with the film.  He wasn't a good choice.


Another problem is Blake Lively.  She is pretty.  She plays the girl that Hal has always wanted. Too bad that their chemistry was terrible.  Those two just seemed to hate each other.  Or they just didn't work well together because I wasn't believing their performance.  I could see that they were trying everything to not just ruin the scene with, "Can we take it again, I hate her/him."  And she wasn't a very strong character to begin with.  She just constantly got in the way and made Hal feel terrible.  Granted, she does that but not to this extent.  She does later BUT that's more along the lines comic book stuff and that's not what I'm here to talk about.  Blake Lively, another terrible casting choice.  


I think the bigger problem with the film was that there were four writers for the film that I don't think had ANY idea what Green Lantern actually knows what to do with his powers.  I mean the whole thing is about imagination.  They just ruined everything about it.  I mean, talk about the most American imaginations with his powers.  A helicopter is falling to a crowd of people, which is doesn't kill any THAT right there doesn't make any sense, and he thinks of making the helicopter into a racecar and giving it a track to ride along.  Awful.  Just awful.  Why not just create a hand that would grab the helicopter and safely put it down?  Oh that's too difficult to do?  I'm sorry.  My fault.  I didn't realize The Green Lantern wanted to make things more complicated than it needs to be. All "things" he creates are just dumb.  I mean throughout the film he is supposed to be fighting Parallax which is the most powerful enemy The Green Lantern faces and SPOILER ALERT he defeats him by flying towards the sun then pushing him towards it.  He tries to escape by thinking up of two planes pulling him to safety, for more speed, and is attached to them.  This movie just starts off bad and just ends lame.  It's just a terrible movie.


Reasons to watch this film. 1) If Rifftrax is attached with it, then yes you should watch it.  Other than that.  Don't watch this film. It's honestly a waste of time.  Oh I thought of another reason.  You want to watch a film that is a complete waste of time and you want to watch something horrible.


Reasons not to watch this film? There are plenty.  1) You read my review.  2) You hate comic book movies that ruin characters that are great from the start. 

LILO & STITCH

This is going to be a quick review since it's an old movie (well sort of) and I finally got around to watching it.  Though, I'm sure everyone has seen this movie and I'm just the last person to actually see it.  


I really enjoyed watching this film.  Even though it is a Disney movie.  Yes, I don't enjoy all Disney movies because it's always the same thing.  (Burn him! Burn him alive! Is what you are saying right now.  Don't hate.  I don't hate all their movies. Sheesh)  This movie has a lot of funny jokes throughout the piece.  My favorite being why mosquito's were created on Earth and their purpose.  Made me laugh and then hate aliens with a passion.  Jerks.  If you have seen the move then you know EXACTLY what I am talking about.


The movie is about an alien that was created as the unstoppable machine.  It is rejected from the council and escapes to Earth.  Where it is adopted by a little girl and her big sister as their dog.  The alien learns what a family is and it gets all cute and stuff.
So I'm going to wrap this up since I'm sure you have seen this film and don't want to read on.
Reasons to watch this film: 1) You enjoy Disney films.  2) You like to see an alien do funny things.  3) It's a good movie to watch.
Reasons not to watch this film?  I don't know.  You hate Disney films and don't like happy endings.  You are the type of person that wants more action, drugs, sex, and violence.  Then this film is obviously not for you.  So if you don't enjoy a good family movie then don't bother watching this.